An Easy Way To Deal With A Difficult Person
Is it someone who bullies or is it that annoying person who pours cold water on all your great ideas? Perhaps it's the one who is so thick-skinned they just can't take a hint. Or it may be someone who never makes a decision and dithers around driving you mad. Or it may be the nitpicker who just can't see the big picture.
But are you making it worse?
I used to work with a team whose members all looked forward to "DFD"s - "Dave Free Days". They would pass around a date when their boss, Dave, was going to be out of the office for any reason at all so that people didn't waste holidays or meetings out of the office on days when Dave was not there.
I met Dave and I can certainly see why they did it. He embodied almost all the annoying characteristics of all the difficult people I have ever worked with.
If you have to put up with anyone difficult, then see below for how Deal With Difficult People in Five Steps
So you’ve got a difficult person to deal with. Here’s a simple strategy to use that will help. Just follow the steps.
Step 1: Identify what you want your difficult person to do
This can be a very hard question to answer because when you are faced with a difficult person you generally tend to think about what you want them to stop doing.
Think about your interactions with the individual and work out how you like them to behave.
If you are struggling with this step, think about someone else who is easy to deal with and identify what that person would do in the same situation. That should give you the information you need.
Step 2: Make it specific.
Something like ‘Show me respect’ is no good, because it’s too open to interpretation.
You need to state it in terms of what you want them to do, not what you don’t want them to do. So, not
‘Stop shouting at me’
instead
‘Speak to me at a normal volume.’
Step 3: Work out what to say
Once you have done this, you can speak to them using this structure:
If you would like me to XXXX please YYYYY
‘If you would like me to finish this report by Friday, please just say ‘Nancy, would you finish this report by Friday?’
Very often people have no idea how badly they are behaving. Just asking them to behave more appropriately (as above) can really make them stop and think.
Here’s another example (for an annoying ‘wet blanket’ type person):
‘When I bring an idea to you I’d like you to consider the idea and the benefits before giving me any concerns you may have.’
Or (in response to vague criticisms and insults)
‘’It would help me a great deal if you could give me a list of the specific changes you would like me to make in the document, then I will have them done by Friday.’
Step 4: Practise
This may sound silly, but it’s really worth practising this till you feel confident you are going to get it right, and it flows quite naturally.
Step 5: Do it
It may be you want to try it out in an easy, low risk situation. Or you might want to try it out on a friend first to see how he or she thinks it comes across. Once you feel confident, do it for real.